Having Fun Sex at Every Age

Having satisfying, fun, and healthy sex should be part of your life at every age, even as you get older. But sometimes age-related physical changes or sex that has become routine can lead to dissatisfaction in the bedroom.

If your sex life has deteriorated, or if you feel that you and your partner are in a sexual rut, there are things you can do to spice up your relationship and help you enjoy sex again.

Healthy Sex and Aging: Why the Spark Sometimes Fades

In a 2010 survey conducted by the AARP, researchers found that almost half of men and women 45 years of age and older report being less satisfied in their sex life than they were a decade earlier.

There are many reasons researchers believe sexual desire and function tends to decline over the years, including:

• Menopause. As a woman's hormonal levels fluctuate around the time of menopause, the vagina becomes shorter and narrows, the vaginal walls stiffen, and there is often a reduced amount of vaginal lubrication. These changes can make sex uncomfortable or even painful for both the woman and her partner.
• Erectile dysfunction. The inability to produce or maintain anerection becomes more common with advancing age.
• Pain and discomfort. Certain age-related health problems, including arthritis and chronic pain, can make having sex uncomfortable and interfere with your ability to have a fun sex life.
• Other health conditions. Your chances of developing diabetes, heart disease, stroke, and dementia increase with age, and men and women with these conditions often have difficulty maintaining a healthy sex life.
• Medications. Certain medications, including blood pressure medications, antidepressants, and antihistamines, have been associated with erectile dysfunction in men or lack of sexual desire in women.
• Emotional issues. As you age and your body changes, you may become insecure about your appearance, which can get in the way of your enjoying a fun sex life. You may also have to face difficult issues, such as illness, which can put sex on the back burner of your relationship.

Putting the Fun Back Into Your Sex Life

If you are looking for ways to maintain a healthy sex life or put the spark back into your intimate relationship, consider the following sex tips:

• Get creative. Trying different approaches when it comes to sex is one of the best ways to spice up your sex life. In the AARP sex survey, only 29 percent of respondents described their partner as being imaginative when it came to sex. So if there is a sex toy you have always been curious about or a new position that you want to try, consider introducing it into your next sexual encounter.
• Be more adventurous. Any change from your regular sexual routine can put the excitement back into your sex life. If you always have sex in the evening, try having sex in the morning. If sex usually happens in the bedroom, try a new location.
• Fantasize with your partner. It can be difficult to talk with your partner about sexual issues. But instead of focusing on your dissatisfaction in the bedroom, try opening up about your sexual fantasies and ask your partner to share sex fantasies with you. Talking about your innermost desires can be a great form of foreplay.
• Take the lead. If your partner is always the one to initiate sex, try initiating it yourself. Changing up who takes the lead in the bedroom can be a great way to get excited about sex again.
• Rediscover foreplay. People in longstanding relationships tend to skimp on foreplay, but if you are having problems getting aroused, spending more time caressing can help you get fully in the mood for sex and enjoy it more.

If you are having problems with arousal or sexual function that are interfering with your ability to enjoy sex, talk with your doctor. Often, simple treatments are available to help you have an active and healthy sex life again.

The Male Orgasm

Men achieve orgasm through a series of steps involving a number of organs, hormones, blood vessels, and nerves working together. The end result is ejaculation of sperm through strong muscle contractions.

The fuel for the process leading to orgasm is testosterone , a hormone produced in steady supply by the testicles. The testicles also make millions of sperm each day, which mature and then are mixed with whitish, protein-rich fluids. These fluids nourish and support the sperm so they can live after ejaculation for a limited time. This mixture of fluid and sperm, known as semen, is what is moved through the urethra and out the penis during orgasm.

The testosterone flowing through a man's body, along with psychological factors, determines the strength of his desire for sex. This sexual desire, or libido, is key in kicking off the process that will lead to orgasm. If a man has no sex drive — for example, if he has low testosterone or is suffering from depression — his body will not respond to sexual stimuli and he will not be able to achieve orgasm.

The Male Orgasm: Steps to Ejaculation

The steps that lead a man to successful orgasm include:

1. Arousal. The man perceives something or someone that prompts sexual interest. That perception prompts the brain to send a signal down the spinal cord to the sex organs, causing an erection. The penis becomes erect when blood fills spongy tissue inside its shaft, brought by arteries that have expanded to allow blood to race in at up to 50 times its normal speed. The veins in the penis that normally drain blood out squeeze shut so that more blood remains inside, producing a firm erection. The scrotum pulls towards the body, and muscles throughout the body increase in tension.
2. Plateau. The male body prepares for orgasm in this phase, which can last from 30 seconds to 2 minutes. Muscle tension increases even more and involuntary body movements, particularly in the pelvis, begin to take over. The man's heart rate increases to between 150 and 175 beats per minute. A clear fluid may begin to flow from the urethra. This pre-ejaculatory fluid is meant to change the pH balance of the urethra, to improve the chances of sperm survival.
3. Orgasm. The orgasm itself occurs in two phases, emission and ejaculation. In emission, the man reaches ejaculatory inevitability, the "point of no return." Semen is deposited near the top of the urethra, ready for ejaculation. Ejaculation occurs in a series of rapid-fire contractions of the penile muscles and around the base of the anus. Involuntary pelvic thrusting may also occur. The nerves causing the muscle contractions send messages of pleasure to the man's brain.
4. Resolution and refraction. After ejaculation, the penis begins to lose its erection. About half of the erection is lost immediately, and the rest fades soon after. Muscle tension fades, and the man may feel relaxed or drowsy. Men usually must undergo a refractory period, or recovery phase, during which they cannot achieve another erection. This usually lasts for about a half hour.

Men differ from women in that men usually are satiated after one orgasm. Women can experience more than one orgasm with no loss of sexual arousal, and do not have to undergo a refractory period.

Male Orgasm: When There's a Problem

Some men can have problems achieving orgasm. These most often stem from psychological factors, for example, they are still affected by a traumatic event or a religious upbringing, or they have fallen into masturbation patterns that have conditioned the body to take longer to reach orgasm. However, the problem also can be caused by taking certain medications or by having a neurological disease.

A short-term way to address problems with orgasm involves stimulation of the penis with a vibrator or some other type of sex toy. However, to really make meaningful changes, a man often will probably need to go through some sort of sex therapy. Therapy usually involves "homework" in which a couple engages in sexual activities that reduce performance pressure and focus on pleasure.

If you are consistently experiencing problems achieving orgasm and ejaculation, contact your doctor. A thorough medical exam and history may reveal the reason why.

g-spot secrets

For years, medical researchers have debated the existence of the g-spot. Some naysayers have even ignored women who were certain the G-spot was real because they themselves had experienced G-spot orgasms. However, medical research has finally confirmed what these women have known all along: The G-spot is real…and it’s wonderful.

The research was performed by Adam Ostrzenski, MD, PhD, who just published the results in an article in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. Dr. Ostrzenski, of the Institute of Gynecology in St. Petersburg, Florida, did his research in Poland, where he was able to locate and measure the G-spot on a female cadaver. Ostrzenski stated that he “confirmed the anatomic existence of the G-spot, which may lead to a better understanding and improvement of female sexual function.”

For the millions of women who have enjoyed g-spot stimulation and G-spot orgasms, the results of the research are hardly a surprise. However, just because it exists doesn’t mean that it is always easy to find: In fact, many women and men don’t know how to locate the G-spot.

The G-spot is located in the lower distal, one-third of the way into the vagina. If a woman is lying down on her back, then it is on the belly-button side, meaning that if you insert your finger into your vagina and make a “come hither” motion, you will be able to feel it. It’s a small, rubber-like spongy area, and some women compare its consistency to the tip of their nose. Most women find that stimulating this area can cause them to feel as if they have to urinate, but in a few moments, that feeling passes and is replaced by feelings of pleasure.

A g-spot orgasm is different from a clitoral orgasm, which occurs outside the vagina (the canal itself) but inside the vulva and above the opening of the urethra. (The vulva is the correct name for the entire female genitalia, interior and exterior, including the vagina.) However, it is possible to have a G-spot orgasm and a clitoral orgasm at the same time, and this is known as a blended orgasm. There are sex aids that are built to stimulate the G-spot and the clitoris at the same time, and these can help you to achieve the blended orgasm, or you could try positions such as man-from-behind that stimulate the G-spot, while manually stimulating the clitoris as well.

Although G-spot orgasms and blended orgasms are enjoyable and wonderful, it may not be a good idea to prefer one type of orgasm over another. Women already have a hard time when it comes to judging their bodies and their sexuality, so studies such as these can make women who haven’t enjoyed G-spot exploration feel as though they are missing something or as though they aren’t sexual enough. Of course, this isn’t the case, and everyone has different preferences in the bedroom. I always say that an orgasm is an orgasm, meaning that whether it comes from the clitoris or the G-spot or manually or through intercourse, it’s always enjoyable. No matter how the movies make it seem, accomplishing orgasm is different for everyone and it often isn’t as easy as simply having sex for a few minutes. Great orgasms take exploration and effort, but it’s effort that is enjoyable and rewarding.

While the existence of the G-spot might not be “news” to millions of women who have already enjoyed G-spot orgasms, the truth is that research on female anatomy and sexuality is far behind that of men, and therefore anyone actively researching this area is worthy of praise in my book.

Senior Sex Myths Debunked

The first, worst, and most damaging myth about seniors is that getting older means saying goodbye to sex. Many older people continue to have satisfying sex lives into their seventies, eighties, and even nineties.

Yes, it’s true, says Edmund Duthie, MD, professor of medicine and chief of geriatrics and gerontology at the Medical College of Wisconsin in Milwaukee: “People still have interest and capacity well into late life.”

One analysis of U.S. men and women found that close to 40 percent of men between 75 and 85 are sexually active. Women report less sexual activity and still others are forgoing sex due to several health issues (for example, hormonal changes, low libido, and erectile dysfunction) and lack of partners. Some of the following misconceptions may also play a role:

Myth No. 1: Physical challenges keep me from having sex.

Though having sex as you get older may require creativity, it is possible — and healthy — to remain sexually active. Unfortunately, says Duthie, far too many people encounter a common obstacle, such as low libido (decreased sex drive) or erectile dysfunction, and because they don’t know who to talk to about it, give up on sex too easily.

Myth No. 2: I can’t avoid pain during intercourse

Duthie acknowledges that women experience biological changes that may result in uncomfortable or painful intercourse. For instance, hormone changes can cause vaginal tissues to become dryer. One possible solution for this common problem is as close as your nearest drugstore — lubricant — and your doctor may be able to suggest others. Certain types of pain, such as aching hip joints, may require a change in position, additional pillows for support, or an over-the-counter pain medication before or after senior sex.

Myth No. 3: There’s nothing I can do to get my groove back.

There is actually quite a lot you can do to reignite your sexual life. Though sex might not be the same as it was when you were in your twenties, more than half of older adults who are sexually active report being happy with their sex lives. One of the first steps you can take to rekindle desire is to visit your doctor to find out if there is a medical reason for any lack of sexual satisfaction.

Overall health is an important factor in your sex life. Older adults who are in good health report having more sex and a greater interest in sex than those whose health is not as good .