Having Fun Sex at Every Age

Having satisfying, fun, and healthy sex should be part of your life at every age, even as you get older. But sometimes age-related physical changes or sex that has become routine can lead to dissatisfaction in the bedroom.

If your sex life has deteriorated, or if you feel that you and your partner are in a sexual rut, there are things you can do to spice up your relationship and help you enjoy sex again.

Healthy Sex and Aging: Why the Spark Sometimes Fades

In a 2010 survey conducted by the AARP, researchers found that almost half of men and women 45 years of age and older report being less satisfied in their sex life than they were a decade earlier.

There are many reasons researchers believe sexual desire and function tends to decline over the years, including:

• Menopause. As a woman's hormonal levels fluctuate around the time of menopause, the vagina becomes shorter and narrows, the vaginal walls stiffen, and there is often a reduced amount of vaginal lubrication. These changes can make sex uncomfortable or even painful for both the woman and her partner.
• Erectile dysfunction. The inability to produce or maintain anerection becomes more common with advancing age.
• Pain and discomfort. Certain age-related health problems, including arthritis and chronic pain, can make having sex uncomfortable and interfere with your ability to have a fun sex life.
• Other health conditions. Your chances of developing diabetes, heart disease, stroke, and dementia increase with age, and men and women with these conditions often have difficulty maintaining a healthy sex life.
• Medications. Certain medications, including blood pressure medications, antidepressants, and antihistamines, have been associated with erectile dysfunction in men or lack of sexual desire in women.
• Emotional issues. As you age and your body changes, you may become insecure about your appearance, which can get in the way of your enjoying a fun sex life. You may also have to face difficult issues, such as illness, which can put sex on the back burner of your relationship.

Putting the Fun Back Into Your Sex Life

If you are looking for ways to maintain a healthy sex life or put the spark back into your intimate relationship, consider the following sex tips:

• Get creative. Trying different approaches when it comes to sex is one of the best ways to spice up your sex life. In the AARP sex survey, only 29 percent of respondents described their partner as being imaginative when it came to sex. So if there is a sex toy you have always been curious about or a new position that you want to try, consider introducing it into your next sexual encounter.
• Be more adventurous. Any change from your regular sexual routine can put the excitement back into your sex life. If you always have sex in the evening, try having sex in the morning. If sex usually happens in the bedroom, try a new location.
• Fantasize with your partner. It can be difficult to talk with your partner about sexual issues. But instead of focusing on your dissatisfaction in the bedroom, try opening up about your sexual fantasies and ask your partner to share sex fantasies with you. Talking about your innermost desires can be a great form of foreplay.
• Take the lead. If your partner is always the one to initiate sex, try initiating it yourself. Changing up who takes the lead in the bedroom can be a great way to get excited about sex again.
• Rediscover foreplay. People in longstanding relationships tend to skimp on foreplay, but if you are having problems getting aroused, spending more time caressing can help you get fully in the mood for sex and enjoy it more.

If you are having problems with arousal or sexual function that are interfering with your ability to enjoy sex, talk with your doctor. Often, simple treatments are available to help you have an active and healthy sex life again.

The Male Orgasm

Men achieve orgasm through a series of steps involving a number of organs, hormones, blood vessels, and nerves working together. The end result is ejaculation of sperm through strong muscle contractions.

The fuel for the process leading to orgasm is testosterone , a hormone produced in steady supply by the testicles. The testicles also make millions of sperm each day, which mature and then are mixed with whitish, protein-rich fluids. These fluids nourish and support the sperm so they can live after ejaculation for a limited time. This mixture of fluid and sperm, known as semen, is what is moved through the urethra and out the penis during orgasm.

The testosterone flowing through a man's body, along with psychological factors, determines the strength of his desire for sex. This sexual desire, or libido, is key in kicking off the process that will lead to orgasm. If a man has no sex drive — for example, if he has low testosterone or is suffering from depression — his body will not respond to sexual stimuli and he will not be able to achieve orgasm.

The Male Orgasm: Steps to Ejaculation

The steps that lead a man to successful orgasm include:

1. Arousal. The man perceives something or someone that prompts sexual interest. That perception prompts the brain to send a signal down the spinal cord to the sex organs, causing an erection. The penis becomes erect when blood fills spongy tissue inside its shaft, brought by arteries that have expanded to allow blood to race in at up to 50 times its normal speed. The veins in the penis that normally drain blood out squeeze shut so that more blood remains inside, producing a firm erection. The scrotum pulls towards the body, and muscles throughout the body increase in tension.
2. Plateau. The male body prepares for orgasm in this phase, which can last from 30 seconds to 2 minutes. Muscle tension increases even more and involuntary body movements, particularly in the pelvis, begin to take over. The man's heart rate increases to between 150 and 175 beats per minute. A clear fluid may begin to flow from the urethra. This pre-ejaculatory fluid is meant to change the pH balance of the urethra, to improve the chances of sperm survival.
3. Orgasm. The orgasm itself occurs in two phases, emission and ejaculation. In emission, the man reaches ejaculatory inevitability, the "point of no return." Semen is deposited near the top of the urethra, ready for ejaculation. Ejaculation occurs in a series of rapid-fire contractions of the penile muscles and around the base of the anus. Involuntary pelvic thrusting may also occur. The nerves causing the muscle contractions send messages of pleasure to the man's brain.
4. Resolution and refraction. After ejaculation, the penis begins to lose its erection. About half of the erection is lost immediately, and the rest fades soon after. Muscle tension fades, and the man may feel relaxed or drowsy. Men usually must undergo a refractory period, or recovery phase, during which they cannot achieve another erection. This usually lasts for about a half hour.

Men differ from women in that men usually are satiated after one orgasm. Women can experience more than one orgasm with no loss of sexual arousal, and do not have to undergo a refractory period.

Male Orgasm: When There's a Problem

Some men can have problems achieving orgasm. These most often stem from psychological factors, for example, they are still affected by a traumatic event or a religious upbringing, or they have fallen into masturbation patterns that have conditioned the body to take longer to reach orgasm. However, the problem also can be caused by taking certain medications or by having a neurological disease.

A short-term way to address problems with orgasm involves stimulation of the penis with a vibrator or some other type of sex toy. However, to really make meaningful changes, a man often will probably need to go through some sort of sex therapy. Therapy usually involves "homework" in which a couple engages in sexual activities that reduce performance pressure and focus on pleasure.

If you are consistently experiencing problems achieving orgasm and ejaculation, contact your doctor. A thorough medical exam and history may reveal the reason why.

g-spot secrets

For years, medical researchers have debated the existence of the g-spot. Some naysayers have even ignored women who were certain the G-spot was real because they themselves had experienced G-spot orgasms. However, medical research has finally confirmed what these women have known all along: The G-spot is real…and it’s wonderful.

The research was performed by Adam Ostrzenski, MD, PhD, who just published the results in an article in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. Dr. Ostrzenski, of the Institute of Gynecology in St. Petersburg, Florida, did his research in Poland, where he was able to locate and measure the G-spot on a female cadaver. Ostrzenski stated that he “confirmed the anatomic existence of the G-spot, which may lead to a better understanding and improvement of female sexual function.”

For the millions of women who have enjoyed g-spot stimulation and G-spot orgasms, the results of the research are hardly a surprise. However, just because it exists doesn’t mean that it is always easy to find: In fact, many women and men don’t know how to locate the G-spot.

The G-spot is located in the lower distal, one-third of the way into the vagina. If a woman is lying down on her back, then it is on the belly-button side, meaning that if you insert your finger into your vagina and make a “come hither” motion, you will be able to feel it. It’s a small, rubber-like spongy area, and some women compare its consistency to the tip of their nose. Most women find that stimulating this area can cause them to feel as if they have to urinate, but in a few moments, that feeling passes and is replaced by feelings of pleasure.

A g-spot orgasm is different from a clitoral orgasm, which occurs outside the vagina (the canal itself) but inside the vulva and above the opening of the urethra. (The vulva is the correct name for the entire female genitalia, interior and exterior, including the vagina.) However, it is possible to have a G-spot orgasm and a clitoral orgasm at the same time, and this is known as a blended orgasm. There are sex aids that are built to stimulate the G-spot and the clitoris at the same time, and these can help you to achieve the blended orgasm, or you could try positions such as man-from-behind that stimulate the G-spot, while manually stimulating the clitoris as well.

Although G-spot orgasms and blended orgasms are enjoyable and wonderful, it may not be a good idea to prefer one type of orgasm over another. Women already have a hard time when it comes to judging their bodies and their sexuality, so studies such as these can make women who haven’t enjoyed G-spot exploration feel as though they are missing something or as though they aren’t sexual enough. Of course, this isn’t the case, and everyone has different preferences in the bedroom. I always say that an orgasm is an orgasm, meaning that whether it comes from the clitoris or the G-spot or manually or through intercourse, it’s always enjoyable. No matter how the movies make it seem, accomplishing orgasm is different for everyone and it often isn’t as easy as simply having sex for a few minutes. Great orgasms take exploration and effort, but it’s effort that is enjoyable and rewarding.

While the existence of the G-spot might not be “news” to millions of women who have already enjoyed G-spot orgasms, the truth is that research on female anatomy and sexuality is far behind that of men, and therefore anyone actively researching this area is worthy of praise in my book.

Taking Care of Your Sexual Health

Sexual health. For some people any sex topic is off-limits. But others, including the World Health Organization, consider sexual health an essential dimension of human health and well-being. From concern over how to have comfortable, enjoyable sex to questions about testing for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) and their prevention, many important topics come under the broad umbrella of sexual health.

“Sexual health is an essential and beneficial dimension of being human,” emphasizes Michael McGee, MEd, a certified sexual health educator and adjunct professor at Montclair State University in Montclair, N.J. “People have a right to sexual health, sexual health information including public policy that supports sexual health, and the right to pleasure”

In addition to teaching and advocating about sexual health, McGee counsels individuals and couples on sexual health issues. He says the most common, fundamental question he encounters is, “Am I normal?”

This, he argues, is the best reason to be educated about sexual health: to have a realistic understanding of what sexual health is — what the wide range of “normal” is — as well as being better able to take care of your own health and pleasure and that of your partner.

Increase Your Sexual Health Awareness

Premature ejaculation and a woman’s ability to achieve orgasm are topics that McGee says his clients often worry about — and appreciate learning how to manage. Other aspects of sexual health that people should be educated about include:

• Sex basics. Understanding the cycle of desire, stimulation, and response improves sexual health, says McGee.
• Reproductive issues. Sexual health is intimately related to reproduction. Birth control choices to prevent pregnancy and the steps couples need to take to have a healthy pregnancy are all aspects of sexual health.
• Vaginal dryness. As women go through changes in their lives, such as pregnancy and childbirth or menopause, they may experience a lack of vagina lubrication. This makes sexual intercourse unpleasant, but there are solutions to this problem.
• Lack of desire. A frequent source of conflict between couples, says McGee, is a “discrepancy in desire — one partner wants sex more often than the other.”
• Erectile dysfunction. There are various physical and emotional reasons why men may not be able to achieve an erection for the duration of sexual intercourse.
• Physical challenges. Physical impairment, health concerns, and other conditions may require creative problem solving in order to have sexual intercourse.

Sexual Health: Guarding Against Infection

Sex can be pleasurable, but it can also be risky. Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) can be uncomfortable or painful; they can have severe, long-term effects that include the loss of fertility and have the potential to be life-threatening. Learning about sexual health means learning about STDs:

• STD identification. Learn about the signs and symptoms of STDs as well as the consequences of infection.
• Prevention. Taking steps to prevent the spread of STDs protects your health and the health of others.
• STD testing. STD testing is a crucial part of your sexual health plan. Finding out whether you have an STD enables you to start treating the infection and protecting your sexual partners.
• Living with an STD. Some STDs will be with you for life, such as hepatitis, herpes, and HIV/AIDS. For people living with STDs, sexual health encompasses coping with these infections over the long term.
• Intimate partner violence. Safety within sexual relationships continues to be a concern. Women may be particularly at risk for sexual violence.

How to Get Help for Intimate Issues

Unfortunately, many people wait a long time before seeking a solution to their sexual health concerns, notes McGee: “By the time they come to a professional, usually it has become a pressing need. And it is sometimes very difficult.” McGee recommends seeking help as soon as you have concerns rather than waiting and hoping the problem will go away.

McGee is certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) as a sexual health educator. Depending on the problems you want to resolve, your sexual health team could include a variety of health professionals, such as:

• Primary care doctor
• Obstetrician-gynecologist
• Urologist
• Physical therapist
• Mental health professional

Whether it’s knowledge about your body or information about treating a specific condition, take the right steps to get education and any counseling you might need to protect your sexual health.